If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
that's an acceptable place to lick
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
