hotel room ftw
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
