She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
