whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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