He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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