Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
