So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
