best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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