A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
