I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
