Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
