I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
