we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
