3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
