I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she told me i tasted like america
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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