rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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