My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
