ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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