I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
