I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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