The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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