if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
