I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
