i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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