frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Operation Purity has been aborted
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
