sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
