what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
