Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
