I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
