she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
