Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
