so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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