I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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