Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
