Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
