i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
