Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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