She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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