Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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