My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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