I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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