I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
