Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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