We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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