Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
