it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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