Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
