you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
