Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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