Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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