youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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