i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
