I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
