I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
we made out on top of his cat.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
