I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
