Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you win again, gameday.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
