are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
