Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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