I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
MIDGETS
????
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
