Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
