so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
