five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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