You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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